Welcome to the World of Bankster Magic Where We Shall Have “Weather Followed by More of the Same Unless it Changes.”

At the start of the year he said we were entering the “strongest economy” he had ever seen. Then he said he saw storm clouds. Then he said his storm-cloud forecast might have been underestimating the calamity coming upon us because we were likely facing an economic “hurricane.” Now we’re back to “storm clouds” and a “strong economy.” JPMorgan’s CEO, Jamie Dimon, goes wherever the wind blows that particular day.

And, yet, the world listens to him as if he had an opinion that actually meant anything. It matters not that his economic predictions vacillate every week from dark clouds to blinding sunlight … because he’s a major bankster in charge of one of the globe’s biggest banks that rigs the price of gold and other precious metals, which will survive the slap on the hand it gets from our overlords in order to go on and do more of something similar down the road. One might expect this shyster’s words were intended just to rig the stock market from day to day into making big swings his bank can play, but that would be cynical on my part — an accusation of merit without a basis in provable fact.

Or is he just dumber than a weathervane, simply pointing the way the wind is reaching at any given moment with as much brain as a black tin rooster pivoting in the wind?

CEO Jamie Dimon talked to some of JPMorgan’s wealthy clients on a call Tuesday…. Dimon estimated last week the probability that the US would head into a recession…. Dimon reportedly said on a client call Tuesday that the economy was “strong” but “storm clouds” were on the horizon…. The categorization is an apparent downgrade from Dimon’s previous comments in June when he warned of an “economic hurricane….” “When you forecast, you have to think differently. It is a bad mistake to say, ‘Here is my single-point forecast….’”

The CEO was said to have estimated the chances of a “soft landing” to be about 10% and the probability of a “harder landing” or “mild recession” to be closer to 20 to 30%. He also reportedly estimated a 20- to 30% chance of a “harder recession” and a 20- to 30% chance of “something worse.”

Business Insider

In other words, say there is a 20-30% chance of each possibility, ranging from a soft economic landing to a life-destroying apocalypse, because you have to be right on one of those. It’ll either be light, medium or heavy. Then change your opinion every week just for good measure and justify your varying prevarications by saying that remaining open-minded to all possibilities is a strength. It’s the end of the world or possibly the beginning of a grand new age.

It must be nice to have the luxury of swinging your predictions from one extreme to another on a whim and still being trusted by the richest clients in the world as their primary wealth advisor. A luxury this lowly writer doesn’t have.

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One thing is for sure, Dimon’s latest set of predictions have a 100% chance of being right!

Dimon had originally used the storm-clouds metaphor to describe the US economy back in April, but his outlook grew more dire in June.

“I’m going to change the storm clouds out there. Look, I’m an optimist, I said there are storm clouds, they’re big storm clouds: It’s a hurricane,” he said at the Bernstein conference on June 1, adding: “You better brace yourself. JPMorgan is bracing ourselves and we’re going to be very conservative with our balance sheet….”

“Right now, it’s kind of sunny,” Dimon said in June. “Things are doing fine. Everyone thinks the Fed can handle this. That hurricane is right out there down the road coming our way. We just don’t know if it’s a minor one or Superstorm Sandy or Andrew or something like that.”

Or maybe it will just sprinkle on your picnic and not rain on your parade … or maybe the sun will shine into the golden evening and warm your skin in its amber summer glow … or maybe ….

One thing is for sure … there will be weather tomorrow. You’re welcome for the sunshiny forecast of rains and storms. Best bring a rain coat and a swimsuit to the picnic and bundle up to stay indoors to avoid the hurricane-force winds that might never blow. Because there will certainly be weather.

Thank goodness the major media swoon over the opportunity to repeat the words of the sightless seers of gloom and boom so we can all walk through the darkness with our blindfolded eyes wide open as they steer us into their good fortune by robbing us blind. And tomorrow the Dimon will whisper in your ear what the new price of gold is going to be later today … after he sets it … like the sun that rises and falls upon his words.

By such sleight of hand is the world awash in bankster magic. Inhale the rich smoke wafting from their cubans, and try not to cut yourself on the breaking mirrors. Because their leisure is your ill fortune. It’s all smoke and mirrors when you’re at play in the funhouse of the Lords of Misery.