All the health news for 2011, pre-written for your convenience

As the year 2011 begins, an interesting thought occurred to me. Rather than spending the whole year writing the news one day at a time, I was thinking it would be much easier to just write all the headlines for 2011 in advance and let you read them today.

So what you’ll see below is a list of (virtually) all the health news headlines of 2011, condensed into a “fill in the blank” format using X and Y to represent variables. As the news comes out each day in the mainstream media, simply replace these variables with the names of various corporations, drugs, nutrients or individuals as the news cycle requires.

This will cover about 90% of all the health news for the upcoming year. It really works, too! After all, these are the news formulas used by the mainstream media in the first place.

All the health news headlines for 2011 – in advance

Drug X found to cause heart attacks and death.

FDA panel members found to be taking money from company X.

Chemical X is found in food item Y, which probably comes from China.

Drug company X found to be engaged in marketing fraud.

The TSA wants to feel your X because they think terrorists might be carrying Y.

Wikileaks releases information X which reveals that government agent Y is actually working for corporation Z.

Clinical trial researcher Mr. X found to be engaged in science fraud.

Factory animal farm X caught abusing animals in secret videos filmed by PETA.

Nutrient X prevents disease Y.

Nutrient X reported by the mainstream media to be dangerous, but the truth is that the research was actually paid for by drug company Y.

The FDA threatens to shut down company X for selling nutrient Y, calling it an “unapproved drug.”

New research reports that disease X causes disease Y.

Homeopathy is attacked by scientist X.

Vaccines once again “proven” not to cause autism in a really, really serious scientific article published by medical journal Y.

The flu is on the rise! Hurry, everybody go get vaccinated again!

Drug company X is found guilty of felony crimes but buys its way out of the situation by paying a fine of $Y while admitting no guilt.

Food ingredient X found to be dangerous to your health.

E.coli scare story reveals that bacteria has been found yet again in X vegetables. Hence we need more food safety laws.

World governments warn about the dangers of Chinese Medicine herb X and try to ban it.

The industry that manufactures chemical X announces that X is perfectly safe for human consumption (even though we know it isn’t).

Celebrity X dies following chemotherapy.

Company X gets caught trying to sell hormone-induced milk as “organic” milk.

Fast food restaurant chain X introduces new, natural-sounding menu item.

Gleeful family celebrates joy of being medically microchipped (as part of microchipping propaganda campaign fronted by company X).

Food prices skyrocket because of X.

Oil prices skyrocket because of Y.

Vaccine pushers decry that not enough people are getting vaccinated, and governments try to force more people into vaccines in order to prevent the new, dangerous X strain of the flu.

The new Republican Congress keeps spending America into a debt catastrophe while doing nothing to solve the health care bankruptcy problem.

Rates of diabetes and obesity rise X percent among population Y.

Scientists announce disease X is caused by gene Y (but they’re actually wrong).

Komen for the Cure announces a new campaign to raise X dollars by selling Y products adorned in pink, even though Y products actually cause cancer.

Hospital announces it removed the wrong X organ during patient surgery.

The McDonald’s Happy Meal hamburger still won’t decompose.

Scientists announce that medical radiation device X is actually exposing patients to too much radiation, causing cancer.

The FDA announces it is pulling drug X off the market, but only after stalling for several years in order to let Big Pharma rake in yet more profits while patients taking the drug keep dying from heart attacks.

The X species suffers a devastating population collapse due to Y chemicals in the environment.

Health authority X announces that natural medicine Y doesn’t treat cancer (even though it does) and should be banned.

Fast food item X found to contain industrial chemical Y.

Flu shots cause X number of children to be sent to the hospital suffering from convulsions, but the authorities dismiss it as coincidence and keep pushing the jabs.

Johnson & Johnson recalls product X due to yet more metal fragments or poisonous fumes being found in the product.

Pfizer commits more felonies but creates a new shell company X to take the hit while returning to business as usual.

Desperate to vaccinate more men, Walgreens announces free sex with every flu shot. Gift cards fly off the shelves. (Remember, they already used strip clubs to promote flu shots in 2010, so this isn’t much of a stretch…)

Senator X found to be a dirty, corrupt liar protecting the businesses interests of company Y which supported his campaign.

Health authorities demand that food X be irradiated to eliminate pathogen Y.

Big oil companies trash the environment.

And there you have it! Those are the main headlines you’ll see through 2011. Just replace the X and Y with whatever facts are being presented on that particular day.

You now have 90% of the news for the year in a compact form. Sure, there will be exceptions in 2011 — really unique stories that stand out. We’ll be covering those here on NaturalNews, of course, along with anything that’s especially timely such as a new effort to legalize free speech about nutritional supplements.

But most of the health news you see year after year is just a regurgitation of the themes presented here. That’s why this year, we’re going to focus on bringing you truly unique information about health freedom, health preparedness, how to grow your own organic vegetables in your back yard and other such content that rises above the predictable pattern of recycled news.

Stay tuned to NaturalNews throughout 2011 for the most impactful health news and how-to information that you can use in your own life. If you haven’t already subscribed to our email newsletter where we announce the news headlines each day, you can do that here (it’s free): www.naturalnews.com/readerregistrat…