A MAGA Guide to Keeping the Peace Over the Holidays with a Harris Voter

By Ad Washbro

According to the Fake News there were more than 74 million people who voted for Kamala Harris. With that inflated stat in mind, it’s likely that one or two of them will be celebrating the holidays with you. They’re easy to spot: dyed hair, facial piercings, fresh tears in their eyes, and carrying a used copy of the Ethical Slut. In order not to ruin your holidays and/or send them raging into a tantrum of triggered emotions, GWU! is proud to provide you with a MAGA guide to keeping the peace over the holidays with a Harris voter.

What to say when your liberal arts daughter brings home her illegal alien boyfriend?

No reason to call ICE just because your daughter brought Jose from Guatemala home for the holidays. Despite the fact that he drives a better car than you, lives in a government-funded suite on Madison Avenue in New York, gets a $2500/week allowance from Biden, and has better access to doctors than anyone else; you know that on January 21 he’ll be flying coach on a one-way ticket out of the good ol’ US of A. Buenas Noches, Señor!

When to announce that it’s pronounced ‘Merry Christmas’ and that ‘Happy Holidays’ has been canceled?

There may still be the odd mask wearing fully vaccinated relative who wishes you “Happy Holidays,” but just be strong and know that the vast majority of the country voted for 4 years of Merry Christmas. We love Santa, stockings, reindeer, and baby Jesus chill’n in his giant nativity scene on our lawn. Make sure to wear that ugly Christmas sweater like a proud patriot (we assume it has a picture of Harris-Walz on it—ed).