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Product Description:

Once upon a time, in a land far away, possibly Poughkeepsie, NY but who’s to say, there lived two shepherds.

The first shepherd supposed his job was easy. He saw that his sheep were apparently designed to do whatever sheep must do in order to be sheep. Beyond occasional shearing, coyote dispatching, and guidance to pastures jam-packed with interesting new forage, he contented himself to just let his sheep be.

The second shepherd’s approach was quite different. Instead of appreciating his sheep for their innate ovine faculties, he saw them as a resource, and thus fine-tuned his shepherding practices to maximize wool production exclusively. He would monitor his sheep’s behavior around the clock; pacify them through threat or cajolery, depending on which better suited the circumstances; shear them ruthlessly every spring; and casually conduct shady business dealings with shepherds of foreign pastures.

The second shepherd grew so wealthy and powerful that he was invited to do weird stuff with celebrities on a private tropical island. But his sheep, if given their druthers, would rather graze freely under the good shepherd’s guidance.

If you’ve ever read a better political allegory involving livestock, we’d love to hear about it.

You, of course, are not a sheep. You’re the kind of freethinker who reads product descriptions on the internet, which is why we don’t have to explain this clever design.