Up in Smoke: ‘Cannabis gave me my life back’

Agonising migraines had put Marie Summers in a ‘prison of pain’, until she overcame inhibitions about using an illegal drug. The result seemed like a miracle

The Independent

Tell someone that you suffer from chronic migraine and you’re unlikely to get sympathy in scale to the pain you suffer. Tell them you’ve got chronic migraine causing neuro-deficit, plus a small cavernoma with venous angioma and you will understandably get a blank stare. This collection of words is woefully inadequate at conveying the pain that has systematically dismantled my brain and disabled my body, but they are all I have without resorting to illustrations.

I’d suffered from worse than average migraines my whole life but gradually throughout my twenties the pain and frequency intensified. A couple of years ago I began to realise there was no longer a gap between attacks. My brain slipped into a loop, migraine begetting migraine, pain creating more pain, and nothing could stop the juggernaut of my malfunction.

It’s difficult to describe what living within a broken body feels like without sounding as if it’s a call for pity. Pity is not what is wanted, understanding is. When pain is a constant, sickness and weakness creep into every corner of your self, and your mind begins to lose memories or words, you feel a wasted husk of a human. All the potential you once had seems a shadow, your beauty ephemeral and faded; you begin to feel a liability to those you love.

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